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Oct. 11th, 2009 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
porphyryPart of a child's growing up includes, I suppose, testing the limits of parental authority. My children's pediatrician once told me that if you have a child who never disagrees with you, then you probably have a child who, quite frankly, isn't developing normally. In effect, disobeying, talking back, not listening—all normal because a child must, of course, develop his or her own sense of independent identity.
So I'm okay with all that. I've read my Freud. I get it.
However, there is only so much a mother should have to take.
"Andrew, put your shoes in the cubby, please, so we know where they are tomorrow morning, " I say.
"I don't have to listen to you!" he shouts.
"Fine," I say. "Tomorrow morning when you can't find your shoes in time and are late for school, you can explain to your teacher why you're late—'I didn't obey my mother when she made a reasonable request of me'—how about that?"
"You'll find them for me. You always do," he says.
Surly. Unappreciative. Knows I don't mean what I say when I say it.
So, currently he's more or less under house arrest (I am exaggerating), and has lately found himself curbed quite a bit. He's had quite a few privileges suspended. Malkhos and I don't raise our voices much to him and we don't spank him, but we can be quite strict when circumstances call for it. And our efforts are slowly working (we think). I've instructed my family to do the same—they've always indulged Andrew. And they are doing it because they're weary of his backtalk and irresponsibility too. Not altogether Andrew's fault because he has been indulged, but he needs to learn to respect others more. Oddly, he never acts up at school and is quite proud that he has never received any discipline for infractions at school. So we all know he knows what he's doing.
It is Madeline, however, the innocent bystander, who expressed in the following drawing what I look like when I'm angry.
Just so you know, those are thunderclouds above my head and when I asked her why so much use of red, pink, and purple, she seemed to suggest those are "mad colors." The whole thing is odd because while I try not to raise my voice too much, I must be using a different tone at least; one she's picked up on as different, and it's an interesting insight into how a child perceives and can understand another's emotions. But then, Madeline has always naturally had more capacity for empathy than Andrew.
When she showed me the picture, she was quite surprised by my reaction. I laughed for a good five minutes over it, and after a moment she screamed with laughter over it, too, but now I have to wonder if I've unduly traumatized her with my less kind, less gentle approach to her brother and his foolishness.
This is a thumbnail. Click on it for a larger version.
So I'm okay with all that. I've read my Freud. I get it.
However, there is only so much a mother should have to take.
"Andrew, put your shoes in the cubby, please, so we know where they are tomorrow morning, " I say.
"I don't have to listen to you!" he shouts.
"Fine," I say. "Tomorrow morning when you can't find your shoes in time and are late for school, you can explain to your teacher why you're late—'I didn't obey my mother when she made a reasonable request of me'—how about that?"
"You'll find them for me. You always do," he says.
Surly. Unappreciative. Knows I don't mean what I say when I say it.
So, currently he's more or less under house arrest (I am exaggerating), and has lately found himself curbed quite a bit. He's had quite a few privileges suspended. Malkhos and I don't raise our voices much to him and we don't spank him, but we can be quite strict when circumstances call for it. And our efforts are slowly working (we think). I've instructed my family to do the same—they've always indulged Andrew. And they are doing it because they're weary of his backtalk and irresponsibility too. Not altogether Andrew's fault because he has been indulged, but he needs to learn to respect others more. Oddly, he never acts up at school and is quite proud that he has never received any discipline for infractions at school. So we all know he knows what he's doing.
It is Madeline, however, the innocent bystander, who expressed in the following drawing what I look like when I'm angry.
Just so you know, those are thunderclouds above my head and when I asked her why so much use of red, pink, and purple, she seemed to suggest those are "mad colors." The whole thing is odd because while I try not to raise my voice too much, I must be using a different tone at least; one she's picked up on as different, and it's an interesting insight into how a child perceives and can understand another's emotions. But then, Madeline has always naturally had more capacity for empathy than Andrew.
When she showed me the picture, she was quite surprised by my reaction. I laughed for a good five minutes over it, and after a moment she screamed with laughter over it, too, but now I have to wonder if I've unduly traumatized her with my less kind, less gentle approach to her brother and his foolishness.
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| Mad_001 |
This is a thumbnail. Click on it for a larger version.
