How Are You Today?

[porphyry]

Today I went to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee. Before she took my order, the young barista asked me, "How are you today?" as she always does.

What I wanted to say was: "Well, yesterday, my mother, brother, and four-year-old son, three people whom I love most in the world, were in an automobile accident. My brother's all right but his car is totaled. My child has a broken leg and thankfully he'll mend okay, but I hope never in my life again to see what I saw when I arrived at the scene of the accident yesterday--amid the police cars and ambulances, my baby on a transport board, crying for me and shaking all over with fear, traumatized and crying in pain, surrounded by strangers; and then there's my mother, in a hospital in St. Louis, with a shattered ankle, five broken ribs, and two cracked vertebrae in her back. I saw her blood all over the car and street when I got to the accident because the bones had broken through her skin. The orthopedic doctor here--the same one, in fact, who treated me when I broke my foot and then a year later rebroke the same bone; a very good doctor and highly recommended--referred her over to a research hospital because he didn't want to do the surgery. But I guess she'll be okay too, eventually. I am grateful no one died, but I have been better, thank you."

What I actually said was, "Fine." And then I ordered my coffee.

Comments

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about the accident. I'm glad nothing worse happened.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It hasn't been an easy past few days, but we'll be all right. :) What would I do without my Andrew and all his cleverness?

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

What a nightmare! What a relief!

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your good wishes. Andrew will recover fast; he's young and the break was a simple fracture. My mother is in for a longer haul, but eventually she'll be all right, too.

Yes--I'm sure the barista would have been sympathetic, but it's not my nature to "take out" my anxiety on people whose job is to be pleasant to me just because the person is handy.

[mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, and I'm glad nothing worse happened. Poor poor little guy.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. He was very brave, though, in the emergency room; all the staff told me how impressed they were with his desire to cooperate with them. He is a good little guy.

[majolika.livejournal.com]

how horrible! I hope they all recover completely, and fast. All the very best for you, I can only begin to imagine what a shock that must have been.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your good wishes.

It was very shocking to me--a parent's worst nightmare, getting a phone call like that, but they'll all be fine.

[calizen.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for all that you've been through. But you are making a point that we are so used to saying, "how are you today," and we really don't want any answer but "fine."

[calizen.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, you deny the humanity of these folks who have to work to serve us.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't want to deny that person his or her humanity and capacity for sympathy, but I suppose for me it's more a matter of not knowing that other person well enough that I might create an awkward situation for him or her to handle. I don't doubt their sincerity or good intentions, believe me. And I truly appreciate these folks who do good work in any service capacity (just ask my husband who constantly tells me I tip way too much :)

[calizen.livejournal.com]

Oh, you are no doubt a favored customer then.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Polite courtesy is simply that--when a stranger asks how you are, you don't really tell them, but that's the way it should be.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

[bibermx.livejournal.com]

Oh boy!Hope they have a speedy recovery. :)

O.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. They'll be fine. :) Last night, Andrew was adamant: "I'm bored! I'm in pain! Bring me a toy!"

[calizen.livejournal.com]

I hope things begin to improve and that you continue to have the strength for all this -- stuff. Life's not fair a lot of times.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

No, I realize that is the great irony of life--suffering isn't meted out fairly; it just comes.

I was looking at your journal, too; your husband is recovering well, I hope, from his stent placements?

[calizen.livejournal.com]

Yes, thanks for asking. We've had to make adjustments in his medications, which made him rather sleepy and unsteady and totally the bear instead of half grizzly and half teddy. (When I said to the doctor that my husband's moods had worsened, he said straight-faced to me, "How can you tell?" !!)

Ah, life.

P.S. Thanks for friending me back. You guys are neat folks.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I didn't even know you had friended us until yesterday; I don't pay attention to these things as I ought to sometimes.

You should have told the doctor: "Oh, I don't know. I've only known him about half my life. I could be mistaken, I suppose." But I suppose if your husband is receiving good care these things can be overlooked.

In general, where do you live? Northeast? West? Midwest? If the question is too personal, just ignore it; I wouldn't be offended.

[benicek.livejournal.com]

There's nothing else for it; the developed world has to get rid of cars. All of them.

Sorry it hear about it. I'm probably more scared of my family being killed by cars than I am of anything else.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Malkhos and I have often discussed that--public transportation in the U.S. is virtually nonexistent except in major cities like New York, Chicago, etc. All the rest of us have to use cars because of the sprawl. You can't walk anywhere; you can't bicycle anywhere; the buses are terrible. And nobody wants to pay to build a good mass transporation system of trains because they all want to drive their cars.

Thanks for your thoughts. My first thought when I got to the accident was, "I wish it had been me" rather than my child or mother.

[bricology.livejournal.com]

I've had no experiences to compare with what the two of you (well, the five of you) have just had to go through, but I admire your strength and your ability to deal with such horrible events so graciously.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your thoughts.

Relatively speaking, this latest event isn't the worst our family has ever faced. We've weathered many crises together (my aunt once said, "You know, sometimes people have had bad things happen to them, but you have faced real tragedies; and she's right; we have over the years). I can only think we'll weather this as well--we've had lots of practice!

I've got to do some creative thinking to figure out how I'm going to keep Andrew occupied for six weeks--he's in a cast up to his hip for six weeks, non-weight bearing, so he's pretty much stuck. Yesterday, he made me promise I wouldn't take his sister sledding without him: "It's not fair!" he wailed. Maybe Malkhos can teach him to read and write.

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to weigh in here so late. Thankfully no one was hurt worse, and I hope everyone is mending. Is your mother still in the hospital?

So your son has a cast up to the hip ... wow. I haven't checked in too often because we're dealing with our youngest's fracture here. A little over a month ago she broke her leg in a sledding accident, had orthopedic surgery, and is slowly recovering. So I know how that broken-bone stuff goes. Veeerrrry slowly.

Hang in there, and you have my sympathies.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you. :) I remember your post about the sledding accident. Andrew did not have to have surgery; they just set the bone at Cardinal Glennon--his regular pediatrician wanted them to look at it--and here we go. Six weeks, the poor kid. I know you can sympathize.

My mother is next door at SLU hospital. I think they're thinking about doing her reconstructive surgery next week. It's hard to tell when to get she might get out, exactly. We're just kind of going day to day.

Thank you for your kind thoughts, again. :)

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

That anonymous comment was actually me. Don't know how, quite, I managed that. :)

starbucks

[raywelly.livejournal.com]

maybe you should have said what was on your mind - i shop in a sainsburys with a starbucks attached - many of the staff are students, one of them is a student nurse who i know from the hospital where i work as a nurse, they may seem like eyes-glazed-over wage-robots but chances are that they're real people who appreciate real interactions. getting an honest answer to a casual question may turn out to be an eyeopener all round. love your posts btw

Re: starbucks

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Oh, I agree; I truly do appreciate people who work in these jobs (I've worked enough of them myself to understand) and I am more apt to talk to people like this casually--I don't know, though; when it comes to really personal, painful things, I tend just to give the stock answer out of my sense of politeness to not unintentionally create an awkward situtation for the listener. I have such a general faith in humanity, though, I would be willing to bet that if I had been more honest, I am sure I would have gotten an appropriate response. I was just so tired, too; it just seemed easier.

Glad you like the posts. :) I'll have to check out your profile.