Truth vs. Manners

[porphyry]

Well, it's happened.

I was shopping this evening with the children. Andrew observed a young woman in the aisle across from us. She had hair that had been dyed all the colors of the rainbow and multiple facial piercings. He stared at her.

"You look nuts," he said to her.

I was embarrassed. Malkhos was proud.

Comments

[bibermx.livejournal.com]

Oh,Andrew has standards.And a critical eye. Good. :)

O.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

I guess. :)

Later, after his bath, I was trying to explain to him that it wasn't polite to insult people.

He looked at me and considered this, and after he answered me I could tell that, in his mind, he wasn't insulting her in the same way as when he calls his sister an idiot; he thought he was simply stating a fact.

He sought for words. "But Mama," he said. "She was--" and he held out his arms and splayed his fingers for emphasis as though he were explaining himself to a simpleton, enunciating each word very carefully, "A complete freak."

It's going to be uphill work with him.

[siamhussein.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you can instruct him not to be such a little fascist. Let him chew that one over. (I would be proud as well, however.)

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Maybe I will.

He's so cunning, though; likely he'll seek to defend his fascist attitudes.

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

I like his openness. And he said "look", not "are". That's a very important distinction. I think Malkhos is right to be proud of this. But I'd have liked it much better, if it hadn't been such an obvious "weirdo" kind of person he was being rude to. (I guess young kids tend to affirm conformity.)

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

True; the fact that he used the language of metaphor shows, at least, how carefully he speaks and considers what he says, which he does.

The problem is that his worldview is still so small, he doesn't quite understand yet that external appearances are no reflection of internal character. I'll have to tell him later that his thinking is rather medieval and see what he thinks about that.

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't worry. He's still very young after all. Also he's very bright. His brains will keep developing brilliant and clear thoughts. No doubt he'll find that there is a difference between appearances and character. (On the other hand: If the girl made herself up like "a complete freak", then of course that's a very loud statement. Why shouldn't he answer to it? Alright: here "manners" come in. Hmmm... a tricky topic altogether.)

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Yes, well, obviously the young woman was making a statement about herself by her appearance, one that I would never trouble myself to figure out what statement, exactly; but to a child who thinks in simpler terms ("What I know and recognize" as opposed to "What I don't know and recognize"), the problem does become one of civility which conflicts with his assessment that what he thought and said was wrong. How to explain to a four-year-old that his assessment of what is true is wrong, not because the assessment was wrong but just simply his stating it out loud?

I'm not too worried about him yet. I was able to successfully manage to convince him that one only uses curse words at home. (Altogether my fault, I might add. :)

[benicek.livejournal.com]

Oooooh, he's cruising for a bruising.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

It is hard to know how to react to him sometimes. One never knows whether to smack him or laugh.