I Need To Be Punished

[porphyry]

 Malkhos told me not to post this.  It embarrasses him.  However, I simply must get this off my chest, have everyone here mock and scorn me as penance, and go on with my life duly chastised.

I had hoped to go through my whole life without ever having experienced this.  On Wednesday, the 24th, I will be forty-two years old and thought I'd gotten past the point of ever agreeing to such a thing at my age.

Today, though, my sister-in-law, her brother, my nephew, and my two children talked me into it.

I spent two and a half hours at Chuck E. Cheese's.

Comments

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

The things we do for love ... :D

[benicek.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid you're going to have to explain what a Chuck E Cheese is to us foreigners and why it is such a stain on your character.

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I don't know it either. Well, we can guess that it's some place to eat (probably junk?) food vaguely connected to cheese*? (Do they serve their meals on Royal Doulton fine china?)
__
*Unless it's an allusion to Jesus, like that fashion trademark "gsus sindustries"? Certainly not?

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

I know. :-) Amazing, isn't it? I'm still nauseated from the pizza.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

I'm going to let my husband explain this to you after he wakes up. I'll give you a hint, though: their motto is, "Where A Kid [not meaning baby goat but meaning small child, though a passive observation of the place might lead one to conclude a strong resemblance between the two] Can Be A Kid."

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

See my note to Ben. I'll let Malkhos handle the description.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Oh--in answer to your questions: 1) eating is secondary to the place, but yes, one can eat there. Sort of. As I explained to Stefanie above, the pizza still has me nauseated; and 2) actually, the food is served on paper plates, no Royal Doulton there.

[niyabinghi.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha! I take it you're still recuperating from sound overload?

[filialucis]

"gsus sindustries"? Good flippin' grief.

*googles*

*rollseyes*

[filialucis]

In that case, the sense of "kid" in that slogan must be human at the first occurrence of the word and caprine at the second.

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

I rolled eyes when I first saw it as well. (And their logo!) The more dedicated followers of fashion amongst my coworker spend their hard earned pay on things like that.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

You're familiar with the Circle of Virtuous Pagans and the descent to Lust through Minos' throne room? Well it's a little chamber just off to the side behind the throne that Dante doesn't describe in too much detail. It's ruled over by a giant snaggle-toothed rat (Chuck E.) and nothing is allowed there that does not conform to mass market advertising. Those condemned there are forced to play games like skee-ball, spend vast sums of money to convert into tickets which have no value, but which you nevertheless are made imagine do have value to redeem for various useless pieces of junk (a variation on Sisyphus's punishment) and eat poisonous pizzas made of processed cheese product while listening to blaring speakers play even more kitschified versions of popular rap music songs.

Of course, I've only seen photos...

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. I don't know if you've ever been to the place--I hope not--but the problem is dual: the horrid music coupled with many, many, many small children all yelling and screaming. It could take months to get over this.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Clever! Perhaps the slogan ought to be changed to: "Where Your Child Will Be Metamorphosed Into a Goat." It's almost true in terms of encouraged conduct (children are encouraged to act like animals, totally without restraint or control of any kind) and cuisine (goats will eat most anything and if you can eat at this place, you may qualify as goat-like).

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's incredible.

[leopold-paula-b.livejournal.com]

A bit of an outrage, I agree. I don't think they mean anything with that pun - apart from sticking to memory. Their clothes are quite normal streetwear as far as I can judge them.

[jermynsavile.livejournal.com]

Can't imagine how I missed this informative post first time round. But, in short, I did. I therefore apologise for replying late.

Extraordinary. I gather it was founded by the person responsible for some computer games. The history states: "Chuck E. Cheese's evolved from Mr. Bushnell's belief that there were not enough places where young people could go to play video games that had a family atmosphere." Heart-warming. The horror of the thought that "young people" would have to stop playing video games long enough to eat! Perhaps there will come a happy time when they can be permanently plugged into computer terminals so that none of their daily activities can be interrupted by that messy business of getting on withlife?

Also "We provide games, rides, prizes, food and entertainment for families with children of all ages from toddlers to big kids."

So many questions. Not the least of them being what kind of restaurant chain lists "food" third down a list of four when it is describing its features?

Did you join the Chuck E-Club™? Despite the small problem of geography I think I'm tempted; if only to ask them why they think a giant rat in a baseball cap is a suitable mascot. Perhaps because he - and his family - lives in the kitchens?

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Finally--someone gave me the mockery and scorn I deserve, though not directly! :-)

Truly, the place is a horror. No, I did not join the Chuck E-Club; they couldn't pay me to do that.

And it's also true that the place has games that appeal even to two- to three-year-olds! Can you imagine?

[siamhussein.livejournal.com]

I'm still trying to recover from an obligatory meal at a Rainforest Café I had in 2001. It was hard to figure out how to tell a whole restaurant "fuck you," without the patrons becoming confused so I settled for doing unspeakable things in the lavatory. I am not proud but want you to know this so you will feel better.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

Eight years later? This could be worse than I thought.

I hadn't, however, considered revenge in the lavatory. I was too lily-livered to even try to find my way to the lavatory.

[siamhussein.livejournal.com]

I was still so destabilized that, in 2005, I wrote a disparaging review of the Quay Branly in Paris, comparing in form and function to a Rainforest Café. I did manage enough reserve not to leave any horrid surprises. So I guess I'm getting over it.

[malkhos.livejournal.com]

I haven't been to Paris in years--what is the Quay Branly? Is it a chain restaurant like the Rainforest Cafe (which is something I've managed to avoid so far)? It's difficult for me to imagine chain restaurants of any kind in France.

Which reminds me of another transgression--a few years ago, while in Rome, I happened to see a McDonald's, a horror no matter where one happens to be. Out of curiosity, though, I went inside and found the Italian twist in this McDonald's--espresso served in a small china cup complete with saucer. However, the cup itself had the Golden Arches on it.

I stole it. The saucer, too. Thought about going back for the next three days to get a complete set but managed to restrain myself.

[siamhussein.livejournal.com]

It "rains" on one from time to time. I could only wonder what kind of filth was aspirated over our meal every ten minutes. The food was the cuisine equivalent of World Muzak, a kind of listless stir fry that sat at the back of the stir fry class and dug holes in the plaster with its switchblade.

[siamhussein.livejournal.com]

Quay Branly is this horseshit museum Chirac had built to replace the dusty, wonderful Musée de l'Homme.